bright eyes, how will this one end?

4:18 marks the start of my countdown. I’ve been staring at the clock for four hours and eighteen minutes waiting to hear her voice again, to make the flutters in my chest go away and whisper, “I love you” and have her know exactly just how much I mean those words. Two hours and thirty minutes at minimum, two hours and forty-five at most.
I’m really hoping it’s the first because two hours is two hours too long. I wish she was awake because her voice is the closest that I can get to actually having her in my arms right now. My little bundle of 5’4’’ perfection. The first second I can, I will kiss her lips and she will know just how much I really do love her. (Because I’m scared of kissing. I’m scared of touching and I’m scared of lips but I want hers.)
4:21 marks when my fingers start to ache and my eyes start to shut. In the past hour I have listened to Waiting Up 12 times because it’s our song and our love is better than anything I’ve ever experienced so far. True pure real intense amazing hers hers hers hers.
4:23 I yawn.
4:26 - Perfect nothings can be may be will be perfect somethings. Hold your breath because tides change, minds change and smiles change. Nothing’s lost when there’s still a dream and when there’s still a dream there’s hope.
Those dreams aren’t there for nothing.
4:28, play count, 14. Ten minutes of utter hell in my opinion. Make it to 4:45 and get two hours of sleep and then hear her voice again.You’re tired, sweetie, go to sleep, I’ll be hanging on your dreams. Your heart beat keeps time with mine, I’m waiting up so I can watch you fall asleep to me.
4:30, I think my cat is having a nightmare. (I’ll see you again, bright eyes, how will this one end?)4:31, running out of things monumental to say. Wondering what Haley’s going to think when she wakes up and sees this. Maybe I should take that devination down. Maybe not. I don’t want to hide that I’m in love with her. But I have to hide it from my mom. My aunts. My family. For now, at least. Because I won’t be able to go down to Missouri next year otherwise. I won’t be able to hug her kiss her touch her in the most perfect ways.
I’m in love with her imperfections and I’m not ashamed to admit that she is the most flawless girl in the world to me.
4:33, tired. Sleep in ten minutes. Rena in two hours.Rena > Sleep.WHAT CAN COMPARE TO THIS DIMLY LIT MASQUERADE SHIELDING MY HESITANCE? OH, THE CROWDS NOW PART and I’LL SEE YOU AGAIN. BRIGHT EYES, HOW WILL THIS ONE END?4:34. I almost just typed 3:43. Maybe I’m dislexic. What’s dislexic called when it’s with numbers?
4:35 and I’m waiting up to hear her voice. The one ringing in my ears again. She gives me these ungodly perfect butterflies.
4:38, reading our texts. Perfect lips await me in Missouri. I’d catch a grayhound if I had the money. I’d hitchhike or I’d hop on a fucking train. I need to be with her and it’s aching that I’m not. I need to kiss her. I need her. I need her I need her I need her I need her.
4:39, six minutes.4:40, song count? 18.
Sleep five minutes early.